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11 hours ago
Friday, January 22
Meeting Your Mate's Expectations
The human brain is an amazing organ. Having an optimistic outlook, I enjoy positive psychology studies. A couple of interesting books I've read recently: Counterclockwise: Mindful Health and the Power of Possibility, by Ellen Langer and Why We Believe What We Believe, by Andrew Newberg discuss how the mind can work in our favor.
There are times I've been disappointed with someone's actions (or inactions, as the case may be) only to step back and realize it was my expectations which set up the disappointment. Clearly most of us don't intend to disappoint anyone. Everyday you hear people sharing their story of not having their needs met or having their feelings hurt in similar situations. I note this here because key to each of the above scenarios is the disappointment or hurt feelings were due to a perceived slight, which was most likely unintentional. Our brain finds it easy to dwell on negative bygones unless we train it to default to positives.
When we consider how unvoiced expectations can harm a relationship, we're able to grasp the importance of communicating those to our mate. This will give them an opportunity to meet our needs or at least give us their feedback of why this need would be difficult for them to meet. Be prepared to hear their needs and how they'd like you to meet those. Keep in mind conversations such as this should be done on the *lite-side. Building a stronger, more satisfying relationship requires commitment and dedication. It requires hard work, intimate knowledge of your partner's needs and a positive attitude. A relationship of Caffection is worth the time and energy, it will be the best investment of your life!
*Lite-side conversations: a planned event where each person knows the topic, is prepared and willing to share something on topic. This is best done with the future in mind (drudging up the past serves little purpose here), in small doses and with building a stronger relationship as your focus.
There are times I've been disappointed with someone's actions (or inactions, as the case may be) only to step back and realize it was my expectations which set up the disappointment. Clearly most of us don't intend to disappoint anyone. Everyday you hear people sharing their story of not having their needs met or having their feelings hurt in similar situations. I note this here because key to each of the above scenarios is the disappointment or hurt feelings were due to a perceived slight, which was most likely unintentional. Our brain finds it easy to dwell on negative bygones unless we train it to default to positives.
When we consider how unvoiced expectations can harm a relationship, we're able to grasp the importance of communicating those to our mate. This will give them an opportunity to meet our needs or at least give us their feedback of why this need would be difficult for them to meet. Be prepared to hear their needs and how they'd like you to meet those. Keep in mind conversations such as this should be done on the *lite-side. Building a stronger, more satisfying relationship requires commitment and dedication. It requires hard work, intimate knowledge of your partner's needs and a positive attitude. A relationship of Caffection is worth the time and energy, it will be the best investment of your life!
*Lite-side conversations: a planned event where each person knows the topic, is prepared and willing to share something on topic. This is best done with the future in mind (drudging up the past serves little purpose here), in small doses and with building a stronger relationship as your focus.
A friend sent us this math algorithm:
IF:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
are represented as
are represented as
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
however when you bring a:
however when you bring a:
P-O-S-I-T-I-V-E-A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
16+15+19+9+20+9+22+5+1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5=
to your relationship you'll be giving it 215%!
Now that IS a great investment!
